What was the prophets behavior towards children? How is the treatment of children in islam?
“Treat your children nicely and discipline them well.” (Ibn Majah, Adab, 3)
Islam gives the responsibility of protecting children’s natural purity to their parents. Disciplining children who are families’ joy, societies’ perpetuity, and tomorrows’ hope requires special attention. The Prophet’s saying: “All of you are shepherds and responsible for your herds…” (Bukhari, Wasaya, 9) expresses the same fact. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) praises women who are compassionately and lovingly devoted to their children (Bukhari, Nikah, 12).
According to Islam, raising pious and good children is not only a source of joy in this world but also a continuous source of spiritual reward in the afterlife. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) stated that “…the pious child, who prays for him (for the deceased)” are among the three things that keep a servant’srecords of good deeds open. (Muslim, Wasiyyah, 14; Tirmidhi, Ahkam, 36)
The Holy Qur’an which advises all Muslims to pray and ask for wives and offspring, the joy of their eyes, (al-Furqan 25; 74) tells us that some prophets and righteous servants asked for Allah to grant them especially pious and pure offspring. (al-Baqara 2; 128, Al-i Imran 3; 35, Ibrahim 14; 35, 40)
Islam’s approach to children is based on love, compassion, and tolerance. Children come to this world as sinless and pure beings. They are not religiously responsible for their actions till they reach puberty. New born babies need and depend on their parents’ help until they reach a certain age. Therefore, a child develops a strong personality to the extent to which his parents pay attention to him. Due to this, the Prophet’s approach to children and advice about raising them are very important for us.
As in many other religions, Islam also recommends the performance of some ceremonies for new-born babies.
When a new-born was brought to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), he chewed a date and put it in the child’s mouth (Abu Dawud, Adab, 106, 107). Because having something from the Prophet’s mouth was a blessing and a source of spirituality.
Asma, the daughter of Abu Bakr (r. anhuma), who gave birth to ‘Abdullah at a place called Quba during the immigration from Mecca to Medina, said that:
“When my son was born, I took him to the Prophet (pbuh). Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) took hold of him (the child) and he placed him on his lap and then called for dates. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked for a date fruit, chewed it and then he put it in the child’s mouth. The first thing that entered his stomach was the date chewed by Allah’s Messenger (pbuh). He then prayed for him to have a nice and long life and named him Abdullah.” (Bukhari, Manaqib al-Ansar, 45; Muslim, Adab, 26)
Other customs of the Prophet (pbuh) are recitation of the call to prayer into a child’s ear, offering a sacrificial animal (aqiqa), and birth shaving his head seven days after being born and giving in charity the amount of of weight as that of the hair cut from his head. (Abu Dawud, Adab, 106, 107; Tirmidhi, Adahi, 19) Moreover, giving the child a nice and meaningful name is also among the matters noted by the Prophet (pbuh). In one of his sayings, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“On the Day of Resurrection you will be called by your names and by your father’s names, so give yourselves good names” (Abu Dawud, Adab, 61) and he even changed some inappropriate names himself. (Muslim, Adab, 14; Ibn Abdilbarr, al-Istiab, II, 837; III, 871, 1006)
Having the male children circumcised before the age of puberty is also among the prophetic practices. (Bukhari, Libas, 63, 64)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) bore a deep love and compassion towards children of all ages; he took them seriously and listened to them intently. He solved their problems and guided them to the right path. In a tradition, Allah’s Apostle said:
“Whoever has a child should behave playfully with him/her.” (Dailami, III, 513). One day Allah’s Apostle kissed Hasan b. Ali (r. anhuma), while Al-Aqra’ b. Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said,
“I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them,” Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) looked at him and said:
“Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” (Bukhari, Adab, 18; Muslim, Fada’il, 65)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) even tolerated children’s behavior during prayer, which he regarded as very important and called “the light of his eyes.” One night Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) had brought his grandson to the mosque. When he was leading the prayer his grandson climbed on his back during prostration, and so he prolonged his prostration. When the Companion finished performing their prayers, they asked:
“O Messenger of Allah! You extended your prostration; so we thought something happened or you had received a revelation.” Thereupon, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) told them:
“No, nothing happened; my grandson had just climbed on my back. In order to please him, I did not want to hurry.” (Nasai, Tatbik, 82)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would greet children, ask after their health, visit them when they got sick, joke with them, and give them lessons while entertaining them.
Muhammad b. Rabi’ said that:
“When I was a boy of five, I remember, the Prophet took water from a bucket (used for getting water out of a well) with his mouth and spayed it on my face.” (Bukhari, ‘Ilm, 18; Muslim, Masajid, 265)
Anas (r.a.) stated that:
“The Prophet was surpassed by none in character. I had a brother called Abu Umair, who, I think, had been newly weaned. Whenever he was brought to the Prophet the Prophet used to say,
“O Abu Umair! What did Al-Nughair (the nightingale) do?”
Al-Nughair was a nightingale with which my brother used to play. Sometimes the time of the Prayer became due while the Prophet was in our house. He would order that the carpet underneath him be swept and sprayed with water, and then he would stand up for the prayer and we would line up behind him, and he would lead us in prayer. (Bukhari, Adab, 112)[1]
Abu Hurairah (r.a.) narrated:
“I heard and saw that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) would hold Hasan or Husain’s hands and then place the child’s two feet upon his own foot and tell him:
“Climb up.”
The child would climb up until he stepped on the Prophet’s chest. Then the Prophet (pbuh) would kiss him and say:
“O Allah! Love him for I love him.” (Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no: 249)
Anas (r.a.) said that:
“There was a young Jewish boy who used to serve the Prophet. When he became sick, the Prophet went to visit him. He sat near his head and asked him
“Embrace Islam” The boy looked at his father, who was sitting there; the latter told him:
“Obey Abu al-Qasim” and the boy embraced Islam. The Prophet came out saying:
“Praises be to Allah Who has saved the boy from Hell-fire.” (Bukhari, Janaiz, 80)
When Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) was about to dismount in front of Abu Ayyub al-Ansari’s house, young girls from the Najjar clan came out and recited poems with tambourines:
“We are the girls of the sons of Najjar
How nice the neighborhood of Muhammad is.” Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked them:
“Do you love me?” and they replied:
“Yes, O Messenger of Allah, we do.” Allah’s Apostle told them:
“By Allah! I love you too. By Allah! I love you too. By Allah! I love you too.” (Ibn Majah, Nikah, 21; Biyarbekri, I, 341)
It was narrated by Ibn Abbas (r. anhuma):
“When the Prophet arrived at Mecca, the children of the Abd al-Muttalib clan met him. He then mounted one of them in front of him and the other behind him.” (Bukhari, Umra 13; Libas, 99)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would encourage his Companions by giving gifts to the children and he would himself be an example for them in this respect.
In a tradition reported by Anas (r.a.) Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said:
“Treat your children nicely and discipline them well.” (Ibn Majah, Adab, 3)
Abu Huraira (r.a.) reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) was given the first fruit of the season and he said:
“O Allah, shower blessings upon us in our city, and in our fruits, in our measures, blessings upon blessings,” and he would then give that fruit to the youngest of the children present there. (Muslim, Hajj, 474)
It was narrated by Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin, (r.anha):
“The Prophet (pbuh) received some ornaments presented by the Negus as a gift to him.Amoung the gifts was a gold ring with an Abyssinian stone. Turning his attention from it, the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) lifted it up with a stick or with his finger, then called Umamah, the daughter of Abu al-‘As and the daughter of his daughter Zaynab, and said:
“Wear it, my dear daughter.” (Abu Dawud, Khatam, 8)
There were even times that the Prophet (pbuh) treated children like his peers and revealed some of his secrets to them.
Anas (r.a.) narrated:
“One day after I finished serving Allah’s Messenger (pbuh), I went to meet my friends thinking that he (pbuh) was having his afternoon nap. While I was watching the kids playing, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) approached. He greeted the kids and then he called and sent me somewhere. I did as he requested. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) sat in the shade until I retuned. It was late when I returned to my mother. When I arrived, she asked:
“Why were you late?” I said:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) had sent me for something.” My mother asked again:
“What was it?” I told her:
“It is the Prophet’s secret.” She said:
“Then protect his secret.” The narrator of this saying, Thabit said:
“Anas (r.a.) told me that: “O Thabit! If I had told this secret to anybody, I would have told it to you.” (Ibn Hanbal, III, 195)
Abdullah b. Ja’far (r.a.) reported:
“The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) one day made me mount behind him and he confided to me something secret which I should not disclose to anybody.” (Muslim, Haid, 79)
The Prophet (pbuh) considered a child’s habit of playing as among their natural needs. For instance, once he tolerated the actions of Anas (r.a.), whom he had sent for a job but he did not go. He had indulged in playing with his friends and forgot the Prophet’s orders. Anas (r.a.) narrated this incident as follows:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) was unsurpassed in his good disposition. He sent me on an errand one day, and I said:
“By Allah, I shall not go.” I had, however, this idea in my mind that I would do as Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) had commanded me to do. I went out until I happened to come across children who had been playing in the street. In the meanwhile, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) approached and grabbed me from behind by the back of my neck. As I looked up at him, I saw him smiling and he said:
“O Unais (Little Anas)! Did you go where I commanded you to go?” I said:
“O Allah’s Messenger, yes, I am going right away.” (Muslim, Fada’il, 54)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) once came across some children playing with the earth. When a Companion wished to stop them, the Prophet (pbuh) told him:
“Let them be. Earth is children’s spring.” (Haythami, VIII, 159)
Moreover, it is reported that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) personally played with his grandsons, Hasan and Husain, put them on his back and walked around with them. He also organized races among the sons of his uncle Abbas.
Abdullah b. Hairth (r.a.) said that:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) would gather Abbas’s sons Abdullah, Ubaidullah, and Kathir (r. anhum) and tell them:
“Whoever runs and reaches me (first) will get such and such a prize.” Thd children would come running and try to climb all over the Prophet (pbuh). He would hug and kiss them in return.” (Ibn Hanabal, I, 214)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) discouraged letting children go outside after nightfall saying:
“When night falls (or when it is evening), stop your children from going out.” (Bukhari, Ashriba, 22; Muslim, Ashriba, 97)
Allah’s Apostle also warned adults about not making promises to children that they could not fulfill. Thus, he asked them to be examples for their children in keeping their promises.
It was narrated by Abdullah b. Amir (r.a.):
“My mother called me one day when the Apostle of Allah (pbuh) was sitting in our house. She said:
“Come here and I shall give you something. The Apostle of Allah (pbuh) asked her:
“What did you intend to give him?” She replied:
“I intended to give him some dates.” The Apostle of Allah (pbuh) said:
“If you were not to give him anything, a lie would be recorded against you.” (Abu Dawud, Adab, 80; Ibn Hanbal, III, 447)
According to a tradition reported by Abu Hurairah (r.a.), Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“Whoever tells a child: “Come here and I will give you something” and then does not give them anything, a sin of lying is recorded for him.” (Ibn Hanbal, II, 452)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) advised to take every precaution not to leave children in financial deprivation after their fathers’ death. When Sa’d b. Malik (r.a.) attempted to donate all his property for the sake of Allah, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) did not approve of it and asked him what he had left for his children. When Sa’d said that he had left nothing, Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) told him to leave nine tenth of his estate for his children, but Sa’d insisted on donating more of his inheritance. Finally, the Prophet (pbuh) permitted him to donate one third of it but he added that he even regarded this amount as more than necessary. (Tirmidhi, Janaiz, 6)
Furthermore, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) did not approve of children’s employment in places like the battlefield which was not appropriate for their ages. Ibn Umar (r. anhuma) said:
“When I was fourteen years old, I was brought to the Prophet (pbuh) for him to accept me in his army; but he refused. When I became fifteen years of age, I was presented to him again and this time he accepted. (Tirmidhi, Jihad, 32)
Sa’d b. Waqqas (r.a.) narrated:
“On the day of the battle of Badr, I saw my brother Umair hiding before the Prophet’s inspection of us. I asked Umair:
“What is wrong?” He replied:
“I fear that the Prophet (pbuh) will not accept me for the battle, thinking that I am too young to fight. But I want to join the fight. I wish that Allah the Almighty to bless me with martyrdom.” When this was told to the Prophet (pbuh), he did not accept Umair joining the battle saying that he was too young to fight. However, as a result of Umair’s crying and insistence, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) let him join the army.” (Ibn Sa’d, III, 149, 150)
At the time Umair was beyond the age of childhood. In fact, it was reported that he became a martyr at Badr at the age of sixteen. (Ibn Sa’d, III, 149)
It is also reported that Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) did not accept some young Companions, like Zaid b. Haritha, Bara b. Azib, Zaid b. Arkam, Abu Sa’d al-Khudri, and Jabir b. Abdullah, to join the army saying that they were too young to fight. (Hakim, II, 67)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) ordered and advised parents to treat their children equally. In this regard there is no difference between boys and girls, young and old, biological and foster children. Therefore, parents need to be fair among their children not only in matters of giving gifts, bequests, and inheritance but also in showing love, interest, and compassion.
Nu’man b. Bashir (r.a.) reported:
“My father donated one of his slaves to me. My mother Amra bint Rawaha said:
“I shall not be pleased with your donation until you make Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) a witness to it. My father went to Allah’s Apostle (pbuh) in order to make him the witness of the donation given to me. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said to him:
“Have you done the same with every son of yours?” He said:
“No, I haven’t.” Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said:
“Then take your gift back.” According to another version transmitted by Muslim, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“Fear Allah, and observe equity in case of your children.” My father returned and took back the gift. (Muslim, Hibat, 13)
Anas (r.a.) narrated:
When a man was with the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), his son came in. The man kissed his son and let him sit on his lap. Then the man’s daughter came in. He let her daughter sit in front of him without kissing her. After which, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) told him:
“Why have not you treated them equally?” (Haythami, VIII, 156)
The girls who were despised, treated as second class citizens compared to boys, and sometimes even buried alive in the age of ignorance have gained their place as respected family members. They have gained a fair status in society especially by committing to their education and excelling at it. Some of the sayings of the Prophet which encourage women’s education are as follows:
“If anyone has a female child, and does not bury her alive, or slight her, or prefer his children (i.e. the male ones) to her, Allah will bring him into Paradise.” (Abu Dawud, Adab, 121)
Malik reported Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) as saying:
“He, who raises two girls properly until they grow up, he and I shall come (together) (very closely) on the Day of Resurrection, and he shall interlace his fingers [with mine] (explaining the point of nearness between him and that person).” (Muslim, Birr, 149)
In the traditions of the Prophet it is expressed that children who die before the age of puberty will be a reason for the salvation of their parents. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“A Muslim whose three children die before the age of puberty will be granted Paradise by Allah due to His mercy for them.” (Bukhari, Janaiz, 6)
In one of his lessons to women, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said that:
“No woman amongst you shall send her three children as her forerunners (in the Hereafter) but that they would serve him as a protection against Hell-Fire.”
One of the women asked:
“What about if two of them die?” Upon this Allah’s Messenger (pbuh):
“Yes, this is true Even if they are two.” (Bukhari, ‘Ilm, 36; Muslim, Birr, 152)
Another remarkable saying of the Prophet in this context is as follows:
“When a servant loses his child, Allah the Almighty tells His angels:
“Have you taken the soul of My servant’s child?” The angels reply:
“O Lord! Yes, we have.” Allah the Almighty asks:
“Have you picked up the fruit of My servant’s spirit?” They reply:
“O Lord! Yes, we have.” Allah the Almighty asks again:
“What did My servant say?” They say:
“He first said his thanks to You and then took refuge only in You saying “we exist for Allah and we will surely return to Him” Thereupon, Allah the Almighty says:
“Build a house in Paradise for My servant and name it Bait al-Hamd (the House of Gratitude).” (Tirmidhi, Janaiz, 36)
The following report about a female Companion who lost her child and fell into a deep sorrow is also very moving. Umm Qais bint Muhsan (r. anha) narrated:
“My son had passed away and I was deeply saddened. I told the person who was washing my son’s body for his funeral:
“Do not wash my son with cold water. You will kill him.” Upon hearing this Ukkasha b. Misan (r.a.) came to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) and informed him what the woman had said. Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) smiled and stated:
“Did she say this? Then her life-span has been prolonged.” Ukkasha (r.a.) said:
“We do not know anybody who lived as long as that lady.” (Nasai, Janaiz, 29)
Just as raising our children well, in accordance with Islamic principles and saying prayers for their well-being is very important, we should also be patient and tolerate their childish behaviour, and not curse them when under the influence of anger. We observe this in the sayings and the practice of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh). He once said:
“Don’t curse your own selves, nor your children, nor your belongings. There is the possibility that your curse may happen at the same time Allah is about to confer upon you what you demand, and thus your prayer may be readily responded to.” (Muslim, Zuhd, 74)
Mus’ab b. Abdullah (r.a.) narrated:
“Abdullah b. Sa’laba was born four year prior to the Emmigration. In the year of the conquest of Mecca, he was taken to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh). He rubbed his hand on the child’s face and prayed for him to have a blessed life. When the Prophet (pbuh) passed away, this child was fourteen years old.” (Hakim, III, 315)
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) once stopped by Abdullah b. Ja’far (r.a.). Even though Ja’far was a kid, he was engaged in transactions. Allah’s Apostle prayed for him saying:
“O Allah! Bless his transactions.” (Haythami, IX, 286)
Abdullah b. Ja’far said that:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) rubbed my head three times and prayed for me saying:
“O Allah! Bless Abdullah with a child.” (Hakim, I, 528)
Ibn Abbas (r. anhuma), who had the honor to meet the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) many times when he (Ibn Abbas) was a child, narrated one of his memoirs as follows:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) was in the apartment of his wife (my aunt) Maimunah. I had prepared water for his ablution. My aunt told the Prophet (pbuh),
“Abdullah prepared ablution water for you.” For which he prayed for me saying:
“O Allah! Give him perception in religion, make him comprehend, and teach him the interpretation (commentary of the Qur’an).” (Hakim, III, 610)
Anas (r.a.) narrated:
“Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) came to our house. My mother brought some date fruits and oil to offer him. Allah’s Apostle said that:
“Place your butter in its container and the dates in their pot, for I am fasting.” Then he stood up and performed supererogatory prayer in a corner. After that he prayed for my mother Umm Sulaim and our family. Umm Sulaim said:
“O Messenger of Allah! I have a huwaisa[2] (pray for it, too).”
Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) asked:
“What is a huwaisa?” Umm Sulaim replied:
“It is your servant Anas.” Thereupon, Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said a prayer for me which comprised of everything in this world and in the Hereafter:
“O Allah! Bestow upon him property and children and make them good and make them blessing for him.” Because of this prayer I am one of the wealthiest among the Medinan believers. My daughter Umaina told me that more than one hundred and twenty people from my offspring were buried when Hajjaj came to Basra.” (Bukhari, Sawm, 61; Ibn Hanbal, III, 108)
Walid b. Uqba said that:
“When the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) conquered Mecca, Meccans took their children to him and he rubbed their heads and prayed for them.” (Ibn Hanabl, IV, 32)
When we examine the lives of these Companions who had been honored by the Prophet’s prayers, we see that they had very blessed lives. Some of them were blessed by wealth; some had knowledge, while others combined the two.
May Allah the Almighty bless all Muslims with proper knowledge about our Prophet (pbuh) and make them take him as an example in every aspect of their lives! Amin!
[1] Probably this prayer was one of the supererogatory prayers performed before the time of the obligatory prayer. It is reported that the Prophet (pbuh) sometimes observed supererogatory prayers in congregation. (Muslim, Masajid, 266-271)
[2] The word huwaisa, which is the diminutive form of the word hassa, means the little thing reserved for the service.
Source: The History of Prophets in Light of The Qur’an, THE CHAIN OF PROPHETS II, Osman Nuri TOPBAŞ, Erkam Publications
